Your days are stressful. You just want to do something for yourself, so you reach for a bit of “self-care.”
But afterwards, you actually feel worse. (Too much chocolate, anyone?)
Yep — I’ve been there too.
But what if I told you the biggest mistake you might be making with self-care is actually very simple to change? And that doing so could leave you feeling genuinely refreshed instead of depleted?
Looking after ourselves and treating ourselves well is important — I believe that deeply. Yet for a long time, I felt uneasy about how self-care was being talked about and practiced. Something always felt missing.
Eventually, I realised what it was: self-accountability.
Too often, unhealthy or unhelpful choices are labelled as “self-care,” even when they don’t truly care for us at all. At times, it becomes an excuse — and if we’re honest, it can leave us feeling even more disconnected from ourselves.
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Healthy self-care and our emotions
When we’re emotional, we don’t usually make the best decisions. That’s just reality.
If we choose self-care while overwhelmed or reactive, we often reach for what feels comforting in the moment rather than what will actually help us feel better long-term.
Emotions feel incredibly real — and they influence how we act. But they don’t always tell us the truth. When we let our emotions lead every decision, we can easily drift into patterns that don’t serve us well.
Scripture reminds us that we are in the world, but not of the world. We are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Just recently, I woke up feeling emotional for no clear reason. I could have stayed in bed all day, watched TV, and withdrawn. Many people do — often adding something indulgent and calling it self-care.
But I don’t believe that always leads to true care.
One of the biggest mistakes we make with self-care is responding to feelings without discernment. Caring for ourselves well sometimes means not giving in to every emotion we feel.
How to do self-care better
True self-care begins by bringing our emotions to Jesus.
When we hand our feelings over to Him and ask Him to align them with truth, something shifts. Our perspective changes — and often, our desires do too. We find we want more than simply escaping the day.
Healthy self-care isn’t about avoidance. It’s about alignment.
For me, it comes down to one question:
What do I need — not just what do I want?
If my body and mind need fresh air and movement, but I want ice cream and the TV, I know which option will serve me better overall.
A simple practice that helps me is doing what I need first, then choosing what I want afterwards.
For example: I might want to relax straight away, but I know I need to get outside. So I’ll go for a 40-minute walk, then come home and rest. Sometimes I still choose to watch TV. Other times, the movement and sunshine lift my energy so much that I feel drawn to something more productive.
Both outcomes are okay — because the choice came from care, not avoidance.
Self-care should recharge and nourish you
A conversation with my sister-in-law really stuck with me. She shared that she and her husband had realised watching TV often left them feeling drained rather than rested. They began looking for ways to relax that actually restored their energy.
That perspective changed how I think about rest.
I’m not against self-care or watching TV — I enjoy both. But the motivation matters. Asking ourselves whether something will genuinely care for us makes all the difference.
After busy days, I like to keep my momentum going. I take the dogs for a walk, tidy up, and prepare for the next day. Then I intentionally create space before bed to wind down.
This might look like:
- watching one episode of a show with tea
- using a face mask
- stretching with slow music
- reading and praying
Whatever I choose, I make sure it’s something that nourishes me.
My honest perspective on self-care
Comfort alone isn’t the same as care.
Using rest as a reason to avoid growth or responsibility can actually work against us. Over time, it can lead us to settle into a lesser version of ourselves.
Only you can do the work of becoming healthy, grounded, and whole.
Self-care requires honesty — knowing what you need, and when you need it. It’s not always glamorous. Often, it looks like consistent, ordinary choices: walking outside, keeping appointments, staying organised, stewarding your time and finances well.
And above all, spending time with Jesus.
Time with Him renews our spirit, sharpens our vision, and realigns our hearts. He knows exactly what we need in every season.
Gentle ways to practice self-care
Relaxing:
- A calming bath with music and a glass of wine
- Tea with chocolate (this one is my current favourite!)
- A girls’ night with face masks, games, and good conversation
- Reading — I love physical books, but I also use a Kindle on night mode before bed. It’s been such a peaceful way to wind down.
Diligent:
- Going for a walk — fresh air, movement, and sunshine do wonders
- Writing a full to-do list to clear mental clutter
- Unfollowing social media accounts that bring negativity or distraction in this season
- Using a planner to manage stress and stay organised (this one has helped me so much)
So — how are you going to care for yourself this week?
I truly believe the most holistic approach to self-care begins with Jesus. He restores us from the inside out.
Self-care is kindness toward yourself, paired with courage to grow. It involves rest, but also learning, stretching, and stepping forward — patiently and with grace.
You were created to live well.
And caring for yourself wisely is part of stewarding the life God has given you.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also life:
– ‘How you can change your life by Journaling Daily‘
– ‘My Ultimate Guide to Quality Sleep (and the *coziest* night Routine)‘
– ‘My Exact Guide to a Slow Morning Routine‘
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