How to navigate friends that let you down, it’s important because, us women love our girlfriends! Some of the most cherished memories I have, are when I think back on how my girlfriends have been there for me. What we have experienced together, and how much fun we have had! However, with friendships, we will all experience at some point friends that let you down. I have been through this a few times. I want to share with you what I have learnt (and am still learning) about how to navigate friends that let you down.
***This post may contain affiliate links, but only to products I genuinely love. It won’t cost you anything extra. You can read the full disclosure here.***
Let me start by saying I love my husband, he is my absolute best friend. We recently (April 2024) moved to Germany. Since we haven’t been able to work right away it has felt like another honeymoon. Even though we have been married for 8 years now! We have been having so much fun exploring this Country that Aldrin moved away from 10 years ago. It’s been amazing to be back in his neck of the woods 🙂
But I also have started to feel that urge to hang out with girlfriends. To connect on a different level that I can’t with Aldrin. (Which is totally healthy and a good thing!) Friendships have always been a priority in my life.
However, one thing that is definite in life is that it’s full of unexpected twists and turns, highs and lows. One of the inevitable lows is when our friends let us down. It can feel like a punch in the gut, leaving us feeling confused and hurt. But fear not, for I’m here to guide you through this difficult time with a hope-filled attitude. So get cozy, and let’s explore how to navigate when friends let you down and how you can be OK!
My Story
Let me start with an example from my own life. I had a friend that I had so much fun with. We called each other everyday and she would stay at my place (well, my parents place) almost every weekend. We had only known each other for about a year but we got close fast. It was a special relationship to me. However, some miscommunication arose from an acquaintance of mine. He knew us both and some things were said that were either entirely not true or truth that was exaggerated. I was painted in a bad light. This good friend of mine believed everything that was said. I was devastated.
I had actually just recently moved to the US and so we weren’t able to reconcile face to face. This friend decided to no longer have anything to do with me. This was over 10 years ago and I still have had no communication with her.
This may be something you can relate too, or maybe the situation was very different. However, I believe the next steps will still be helpful.
Understanding the Situation:
Let’s start by taking a moment to understand why your friend may have let you down. People are complex beings, each carrying their own burdens and struggles. Perhaps your friend is dealing with personal challenges, or maybe they simply made a mistake without realizing the impact it would have on you. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and an open heart. And don’t let your hurt build a wall between you both, without doing all you can to connect with them about the situation…which leads us to the next point.
Communication is Key:
When faced with disappointment from a friend, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly. If you feel comfortable, consider having a calm and respectful conversation with your friend about how you’re feeling. If you feel it will be helpful having a third person with you it could help keep you both accountable and stay on topic. I have been this for friends having miscommunication/conflict and my role was to simply help clarify and remind them that the goal is to reconnect and find out what eachother has been feeling, NOT who was right or wrong.
It’s also important to express yourself without placing blame, and try to listen to their perspective as well. Clearing up misunderstandings is the first goal, the second would be listening to how each other is feeling, and the third is to reconnect the relationship which can only happen if both can agree and move forward.
Seek Support:
But not a gossip friend. It’s good to talk to a third person about what happened, sometimes we have blind spots, or we don’t realise how what we did came across. I am thankful to have Aldrin who I know will give me honest feedback and not just tell me that the other person sucks and that I did nothing wrong. If you have a friend you confide in who does this, I would consider choosing someone more mature, who will see the situation subjectively and want the best for the both of you AND who won’t tell others about the situation.
Actually, the best advice I could give you right here is this: Choose only ONE person to talk to when you’re talking about a friend who you are having a conflict or disagreement with. We all need to learn that talking to multiple people about a close friend is very unhealthy and not honoring at all to that friend. I always go to God first and ask Him for guidance and to highlight any area that I screwed up and to take responsibility for and then I go to Aldrin or a trusted friend and see if what I am now feeling is aligned with the word of God. Then I seek advice on how to practically move forward. Don’t do anything emotionally, that usually never ends well, take the time to reflect and move forward when you feel ready. How to navigate friends that let you down is easier with someone very trustworthy to support you.
Letting Go with Grace:
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, friendships may not always work out. And that’s okay. It’s important to recognize when it’s time to let go and move forward. Some friends are just there for a season, a gift from God for that particular time in life. While others will be there for longer. It’s never nice for friendships to end badly, but if it looks like your friend isn’t ready for a reconciliation then it could be time to let it go. Remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth as a person to let go of certain friendships. Sometimes it even frees you up for the people that are about to walk into your life.
Embracing Growth and Resilience:
As you navigate the waves of disappointment and let downs in friendships, remember that you are growing and learning through these experiences. Each challenge you face helps you cultivate resilience, strength, and a deeper understanding of yourself and others. Embrace the journey, stay true to your values, and trust that the right friends will come into your life at the right time. Don’t have friendships just to feel good about yourself, invest in friends for them and see how your friendships blossom!
Conclusion on how to navigate friends that let you down:
I hope you have some more clarity on how to navigate friends that let you down. Pursuing things like not setting high expectations on your friends, clarifying often with them, and showing them how much you care will mean stronger and healthier friendships! Remember to give grace, show love and give any resentment or bitterness to God so that you don’t carry it, or hold anything against your friends. Friends are a gift, but we can’t control them. We can only take responsibility for ourselves. So stay close to Jesus, prioritize your friends and enjoy the gift of friendship that God has created for us!
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like:
-‘The 10 Friends every Woman should have’
-‘What no-one tells you about mixed-race marriages – and how to have a successful one!’
-’10 Summer date ideas to get out + about’
Thank you!!!
