Your days are stressful. You just want to do something for yourself so you do some ‘self care’. Afterwards it actually leaves you feeling worse (too much chocolate anyone?). Yep, I’ve been there too! But what if I told you the biggest mistake you *might* be making with self care is really easy to change? This post will empower you to do self care well which will actually leave you feeling refreshed!
Looking after ourselves and treating ourselves well is right…..but I always felt uncomfortable about the context people have been using it in. I always felt something was missing.
I finally realized that what I felt like was missing in this topic was self-accountability.
People are making unhealthy and bad decisions and then slapping the title of ‘self-care’ on to it. It feels like an excuse, and in the end is it really caring for ourselves?
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Healthy Self Care and emotions
I believe that when we feel emotional we don’t make great decisions. That’s just a fact. When we feel emotional while choosing to do some self care, we usually choose something that doesn’t really benefit us.
Emotions always feel so real. They often tell us how to act or behave and we listen. But our emotions often lie. They make us believe things that aren’t true. When we keep behaving out of these emotions we become just like the World.
We need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds because we are in the World but not of the World.
This morning I felt very emotional, not really for any good reason. I could have stayed in bed, watched TV all day and felt alone.
A lot of people do this (throwing in a few Oreo’s or something just as unhealthy) and call it self care.
However I don’t believe that this actually is caring for ourself. The biggest mistake you *might* be making with self care is that we need to stop caring for ourselves in the wrong way. One way we do this is by not giving into our feelings.
How to do Self Care better
Self care is coming to Jesus giving him our emotions and asking that He align them with the Truth.
Then our emotions will align with the Truth. Then you will find you will want to do more then just lay in bed all day.
We have to care for ourselves the right way!
So what is Healthy Self Care? I believe it is all about what you NEED versus what you WANT.
If your body and mind needs sunshine, but you want to eat a bowl of ice-cream in front of the TV, you might enjoy it. However, is it going to make you feel better overall?
A way that I find helps to balance what I need and what I want, is to do what I need first. Then do what I want, kind of like a reward.
For example, I just want to relax by watching TV and eating something yummy, but I know I need to get out in the sun. So I will go for a 40 minute walk outside and then come back and watch TV and eat.
Sometimes that’s exactly what ends up happening and I feel OK watching TV and relaxing. Other times, I feel so good from moving and getting outside that I don’t want to just sit and watch tv. I prefer to do something a little more productive.
Self Care should recharge and nourish you
I was talking to my sister in law the other day and she said something interesting. She said; ‘We want to find other ways that help us relax. We have found that watching TV actually drains us and leaves us feeling more unmotivated.’ We want to be recharged when we relax instead of having less energy.
Please hear that I am not against self-care (or watching TV). I think it’s wonderful. But we have to know the motivation behind it! Asking ourselves if it is actually going to care for us in the right way.
After a busy day I keep my momentum going and take the dogs for a walk. I then clean up and get things organized for the next day! Then, I create space for about an hour before bed for some self care routines. It is my favorite way to wind down for the night.
I usually watch an episode of a show while drinking tea. Or I use a face mask, just listen to slow music and stretching, or read and pray. Whatever I do I make sure that it is nourishing me.
My unpopular view on Self Care
Doing things that make you comfortable, or that you use as an excuse to not do something else isn’t actually self care.
It can even be detrimental! If we continue to choose what we want or feel over what we need we can start to settle for a down graded version of ourselves! (no thank you!)
Most importantly I think we need to realize that only YOU can put in the work to become a vibrant healthy person.
We have to be accountable to ourselves to know what we need, when we need it.
It’s not always going to look glamorous – like champagne in a bubble bath. It could look like daily choices; going for a walk, scheduling appointments, staying on top of your studies and finances. But you will feel better and live a much healthier life!
Remember that spending time with Jesus always, *always* recharges us. We gain new vision and new insight. Jesus changes our perspective and helps us focus on what He is doing. Our Spirit needs to spend time with Him.
Some ways that you can use Self care in a relaxing way:
–Calming Bath Therapy with music and wine. This to me is absolute luxury.
-Tea with Chocolate (this is my new favourite Chocolate!)
-Having a girls night with face masks, games and good conversations is an incredibly easy way to wind down.
-Read. Nothing makes me feel as peaceful and calm as reading. I love paper books but Aldrin recently bought me a kindle (this one) and I love that I can put it on night mode and read in bed, he doesn’t notice the dim light at all! It really has changed the game for me as the battery life lasts soo long. I also subscribed for kindle unlimited so it’s like a library on my phone. So I think it’s very cool and I highly recommend if you find reading relaxing, especially before bed, like me!
Some ways that you can use Self care in a diligent way:
-Go for a walk. Like for real, just get outside and go! The endorphins, fresh air and sun will reset you physically and mentally.
-Write a to-do list. Not necessarily one you are going to do then and there, but one where you write every single thing down that you have to do in the next few days. Writing things down that just keep playing around in your head will declutter your mind! Therefore giving you more mental space to actually wind down and prioritize correctly.
-Go on social media and unfollow accounts that you feel may not be helpful in this season of your life to be following. Maybe their sense of humour has gone too far and it’s not a good influence for you. Or maybe people are posting things filled with fear and lies and you get in a bad mood every time you see those posts. Taking the time to spring clean your social media is a great way to use self care in a diligent way.
-Use a planner! This is absolutely *amazing* when it comes to self care and just adulting well…it will help you keep appointments, deadlines and help manage stress. (I recommend this one).
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Sooooo how are YOU going to CARE for yourself this week??
I know I’ve already said this, but I’ll say it again…I believe the best holistic approach to self-care is spending time with Jesus. He knows what you need in order to thrive.
The biggest mistake that you *might* be making with self care is not being kind to yourself. Self care is relaxation, but also pushing yourself to try new things, learning and seeking growth. This will take diligence, patience and encouragement. So be kind to yourself, while also knowing that you are made to change the World.
I hope that you’re able to find balance between treating yourself and doing the things you ‘need’ to in order to fully care for yourself.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also life:
– ‘How you can change your life by Journaling Daily‘
– ‘My Ultimate Guide to Quality Sleep (and the *coziest* night Routine)‘
– ‘My Exact Guide to a Slow Morning Routine‘
Thank you!!!
Photography: Pictures of Paper -by Laura Koutnik